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Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella
Reviewed by TammyJo Eckhart
Jack Rinella is a well-known gay leatherman with five books, a weekly column, and at least one short story to his publishing credit. Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude is his fifth non-fiction book. A sort of follow-up to The Compleat Slave, this book is geared toward helping any would-be BDSM or leather slave find his/her way toward consensual slavery.
If you spend much time online in the various kinky boards, lists, or newsgroups you will soon see that the search for “the way to be a slave” arises time and again. Immediately there are problems with the very idea of this mysterious way to do something that is uniquely individual. Contrary to those looking to make a quick buck or in need of pumping up their own egos, there is no “the way” to anything.
Rinella is fully aware of this reality because he has been a consensual slave and a master for over a decade and a leatherman for two decades. Becoming a Slave isn’t “the way,” but a realistic approach to discovering what a potential slave is looking for, how to find it, and how to live it. Rinella promises to make us think and to give us real-life examples of 24/7 realities that are much more than those fictional stories we all love to read.
The book has 15 chapters, though they are not numbered. For this reason I will not label each chapter by a number but instead devote one paragraph per chapter. The overarching question must be: Does Rinella give us the theory and the practice his title promises? In short, will this book help you become that slave you dream about?
The introduction is a Rinella classic, focused on explaining his approach, his language, and his style of writing. One suspects that this “teacher” methodology works well both in a workshop and for those who are open to the idea of becoming slaves as a process, not as a magical moment.
There is a rampant fantasy that slaves must adapt to the owner. Instead, the most successful 24/7 relationships are built just like all human pairings and family: on a foundation of shared values and interests. Rinella lists several complementary traits for the slave and master to share, but throughout the chapter and his book it is clear this is a two-way dynamic with give and take from all partners.
What makes someone want to become a consensual slave? There are many reasons, and Rinella covers several of them. There is no one true “call to serve.” Feeling that desire to be a slave is not the same as becoming one, because not everyone can earn your service and obedience. You have to realize you want this path first before you can embark on finding an owner.
The most popular question I’ve seen online, at munches, and at events is about finding the partner who will help you make your fantasy a reality. Rinella looks at a few of the most popular ways to find a partner. Beyond this he is very honest about how most of the attempts will fall flat, but that someone who feels the call to be a slave must continue to search honestly and completely. It won’t be one email, one phone call, or one meeting but a series of contacts over weeks and months.
So months have gone by and now you are owned, right? Wrong. According to Rinella the most successful and fulfilling slave-owner relationships are based on good, solid negotiation. This process isn’t so much like a business arrangement as it is a serious focus on communication and finding mutually satisfying means to enact the power dynamics you wish to pursue. This chapter is all about negotiating from the slave position, and it is a powerful and empowering position if you are honest about yourself and your mundane life.
What are you negotiating? In other words, what type of a relationship are you willing and wanting to commit to? Rinella looks at several stumbling blocks that numerous slaves he has known used, primarily unconsciously, to keep their fantasies at bay. This chapter is likely to destroy many of the typical ideas about what being a slave means and how these relationships work out in the modern world. But if you are serious about becoming a consensual slave you must confront these myths and work with real life.
Have you heard of slave training? If you’ve been in the BDSM or leather world for more than a few months, you have. Rinella describes what training is at a basic level and various approaches to training. Just as in teaching, this is a process that must be actively pursued by everyone involved. The potential slave who just kneels there and expects to soak all the knowledge up will likely fail quickly.
Slave training is a more specialized form of training. Not because it is universal or has particular protocols and position, but because it is learning to serve and bend your will to the owner. Throughout these chapters Rinella emphases again and again that the attitude and the will of the owner should be paramount in any training. Claims of correct protocols and proper ways of being a slave are rightfully pooh-poohed by Rinella.
Punishment, not the excuse-to-do-SM or feel-less-guilty kind, but the real, you-messed-up-and-there-are-consequences kind of punishment is covered briefly but importantly in the next chapter. The very concept of punishment between two consenting adults is a certain way to get an argument started in almost any kinky venue. Again, what works for Rinella may not work for you, but his idea that it shouldn’t be pleasant for anyone and that it should encourage changes is solid.
The next chapter covers several topics. There are not “small stuff” but actually subjects that again can result in disagreements or wonderful discussions among those practicing 24/7. How do you live this 24/7? What do you wear? How is it all paid for? Your fantasies on these matters are yours, but the mundane world will affect how you can live these out, not to mention the fantasies of your owner.
I was very surprised when the next chapter was entitled “The Real Slave.” Up to this point, Rinella has been a big proponent of 24/7 as a unique relationship. He isn’t claiming a mold that a potential slave must fill but instead an attitude that he has found very common among those in successful relationships. The keys are honesty, the desire and the willingness to bend to the owner’s will, and the ability to let your slavery empower you. Does that sound strange? If you have been in a successful 24/7 relationship I don’t think you’ll find the idea of an empowered slave very odd at all.
Where has the sex been in this entire book? In the best selling novels and short stories it often seems that consensual slavery is one non-stop orgasm for everyone involved. Nice, but not realistic, and Becoming a Slave is about making your slavery real. This chapter looks at how sex can and cannot be a part of a 24/7 relationship. The vignettes from Rinella’s own life as a slave as well as those of others is a great way to picture what he is talking about in this chapter.
At the heart of consensual slavery is obedience. Rinella says this time and time again. Sex can be a part of it, and the mundane world must be taken into consideration. Those things that are traditionally kinky — SM, bondage, fetishes, etc. — can all be a part of 24/7 but are not necessarily always there. Rinella gives several examples of how kink can be used to make the owner-slave dynamic more powerful and rewarding.
So being a slave means you have to continue to live in the mundane world and be obedient to your owner, putting their will above your own. Normally, if you have taken it slowly, been honest in your negotiations, and tried to work within the necessities of life, you should have a good relationship. But will it be monogamous or poly or something else? It is a very complicated question, and more often than not it seems that those seeking to be slaves or to own slaves expect monogamy to some degree. Rinella discusses the types of sexual arrangements that are successful, but he does not endorse any one type of sexual relationship.
Over and over, Rinella exposes the reality of 24/7 as a relationship between individuals. Thus, the final chapter of his book is a guide to how to keep it healthy and fulfilling for everyone involved. Some of these ideas may seem counter to the fiction one might jack off to, but by and large every successful slave-owner couple or family I’ve known follows several of these ideas. Whether it is a periodic review of how things are going, having vacation time from the dynamics, or maintaining other types of relationships, everyone needs to be all they can be.
At the end of each chapter there are two additional features in Becoming a Slave that make this book unique and particularly useful. First, Patrick who has been Rinella’s slave for over nine years, offers his own point of view on the topics each chapter covers. While we might expect him to merely parrot what his master has written, we find instead well-thought-out and experience-supported ideas. While the close-minded might think the master’s voice more important, skipping over these “Reflections” would be a grave error. You want to become a slave, right? Who better to hear about that reality than from someone who has achieved this status?
There are also a series of further activities at the very end of the chapters which ask the reader to reflect on the subjects covered. Most of the exercises are mental or written, but some ask you to go out and get involved in the kink community or do something to increase your future value. Doing these and reading this book slowly are the best ways to get the most from Becoming a Slave.
I really like this book. The way it approaches each subject, the honest and down-to-earth language and the careful focus on each word and meaning Rinella uses. The end-of-chapter activities are very valuable; I may adopt some in my own training. Beyond all of the Rinella’s experience and writing, what makes this book most useful are the personal examples and the reflections of his own slave, Patrick. These are two men who have been living their fantasy for over nine years. Their life gives hope to those who want to be in their shoes. |
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