|
 |
|
|
|
I have an earlier edition of The Mistress Manual: the good girl’s guide to female dominance by Mistress Lorelei published by Berkana Press in 1994. There are only a few differences between the editions in terms of layout and content; however, this Greenery Press version should make several people happy because I’ve seen folks looking for it for a few years now.
There is a clear target audience for this book: monogamous, heterosexual couples who practice “domestic discipline” (pp. 3, 8). For those who don’t know, Lorelei describes “domestic discipline” as “psychodrama” where the roles and the ritual may overshadow the physical exchange (p. 3). As one reads further one notes that the emphasis is really on a fantasy scenario that one steps into and out of, often using costuming and theater-like accessories. Let me say up front that the advice to not show this book to the submissive left a bad taste in my mouth (p. 5), but I don’t do “domestic discipline,” so I’m likely biased. There is a good summary chart of the differences between leather and domestic discipline on page 4.
Just like the first edition, the book is divided into three parts and has 14 chapters. However, this edition has an extended table of contents that lists subsections of each chapter. This not only makes it easier to find exactly what you are looking for but also helps you return to particular sections later. If you are like me, you may already mark up your nonfiction books, but even then such a listing is useful, especially when the book lacks an index.
Part One revolves around beginning domination, finding a partner, and the mental or emotional issues that may arise once you start exploring a Ds relationship. Four chapters focus on the why and what a woman may get out of fulfilling her man’s fantasies by discovering her own and working through negotiations so that each person gets a bit of what he or she wants. Judging from the exercises and suggestions offered to make the journey into “domestic discipline” seem realistic and thoughtful, it is clear that Lorelei’s advice is based on her own growth and her contact with others in this kink.
As one reads further one notes that the emphasis is really on a fantasy scenario that one steps into and out of often using costuming and theater-like accessories. Part Two examines how to use fantasy, adapt fantasy, and take the necessary steps toward creating fantasies. Advice runs the gamut from psychological preparations for both mistress and submissive to suggestions on enacting and evaluating a scene. Various tools are discussed; though I think that on occasion that too much emphasis is placed on safety when talking about certain tools. Yes, you read that correctly, I do believe that too much of a how-to book can focus on safety, especially when I know from personal use that much of what is warned against is overstated.
Finally, “five archetypes” of the mistress are discussed. Where do these particular types come from? The documentation is unclear on this point, but if you look at enough male-created porn you’ll see them. The five archetypes are nursemaid, governess, queen, Amazon, and goddess. After looking at the basic definitions of them, Lorelei spends time investigating each type and discussing the costuming and equipment related to it.
Throughout the book there are two major themes that at first may sound contradictory. First, the archetypes and the fantasies are consistently called “male.” This really makes it sound like women may not naturally think of themselves in such roles, which this sometime Amazon and queen knows is not true. Secondly, women are urged to find what turns them on and how to incorporate it into the male fantasy.
So is this book really just a “male fantasy women must fulfill” message? No, it isn’t, because Lorelei is very clear that the woman not do things she does not find rewarding. Let’s be honest, even the most serious and formal lifestylers I’ve ever met wanted their partner(s) to be happy. The stories she shares about real-life couples’ negotiations of domestic discipline scenarios are reassuring.
One negative of the new edition is that it lacks a “resource” section. While it is correct that books and websites change rapidly, there are still some good, well-respected books that it could be useful to list for new players. In most resource or bibliography sections I usually find a few new sources myself.
Even though the intended audience is het and monogamous, I think the details of how to compromise and the thought put into the archetypes might be adaptable to other pairings. For example, why couldn’t a woman worship a goddess or a king be served in a fashion similar to a queen? It is a matter of creativity and attitude, so if the idea of roleplaying, domestic discipline, or even just plain thirst for knowledge drives you, you may find The Mistress Manual: the good girl’s guide to female dominance by Mistress Lorelei worth reading.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
